someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
