is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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