When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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