you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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