The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dick very happy bro
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
