NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
