sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
