Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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