He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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