this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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