so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
As shirtless as possible
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
why is half of my head shaved?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
