he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
