i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
