shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
