just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
