new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
