please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
