If that was your dad, he is hot
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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