I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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