So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
