i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
