there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
