Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
