Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
so much tequila, so little girl.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
