It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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