I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
