I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
