I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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