Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
