Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
