I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
