Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
