i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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