its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
