you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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