Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
