Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
