totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
