I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
