my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I could make wine with my vomit
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
