Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
