The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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