U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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