I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
