Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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