OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
