Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
