We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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