I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
