You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Don't make out with my wife yet
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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